Revenge Is Best Served Hard-Boiled

Dear little shit birds who insist on egging our house,

Let me start by saying that my husband and I are good people. We say good morning to you as you walk by us on your way to school. We slow down the car and swerve around you during your road hockey games. Heck, we even gave out amazing Halloween treats this year, just so you'd think we were cool neighbors. So why, I ask you, do you feel the need to repeatedly egg our house? What have we done to deserve such punishment?

I understand you're young, and feel the need to rebel against your elders. However, you must understand that your eggs are hitting our daughter's window, waking her from the sleep it took us 2 hours to attain.

Now I'm a reasonable woman, with a "que sera" type of attitude, but if I catch you throwing eggs at our humble home again I WILL hunt you down. I will make you eat the carton of raw eggs I've set aside for you, shell and all, and you will like it.

Sincerely,

Your worst nightmare

The Martin Skorcheesies

At around month 5 of my pregnancy, the cravings took hold. I woke up every morning and made my first breakfast (egg, tomato, cheese, and avocado bagel-wich) followed by my second breakfast an hour later (egg, tomato, cheese, and avocado bagel-wich). At night, I couldn't sleep unless I had my sweet fix. This is when I discovered the wonderful world of baking.

My goal was to find recipes that satisfied my endless hunger (ME WANT COOKIE), and to provide my husband with something to nibble on too. I've always had a weakness for cheesecake, and Robin is a big fan of Skor bars... 

Light bulb! The Martin Skorcheesies were born. 

Recipe: 

- 1 8oz package of softened cream cheese

- 1/2 cup of softened butter (don't skimp with margarine or I'll slap you on the wrist)

- 1 tsp of vanilla

- 2 cups of icing sugar

- 1 bag of Skor Toffee Bits

- 1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips (for dipping)

Instructions: 

 - hire a babysitter for the afternoon

 - mix the first 5 ingredients into a bowl (keep 1/4 cup of Skor Bits aside for decoration)

- chill the mixture in the fridge for an hour

- roll into bite-sized balls and place them on wax paper

- place balls in the freezer for 15 minutes to firm (tee hee)

- place chocolate chips into a small metal bowl, then place the bowl in a pot of boiling water

- stir the chips until they are completely melted

- dip the balls in chocolate (get your minds out of the gutter) using a small, metal spoon, then place them on wax paper

- sprinkle some Skor Bits on top

- place them in the fridge or freezer to set and store

- use your willpower not to eat the whole batch

You're welcome.

Live Long (in the moment) And Prosper

I had an "aha" moment this morning while drinking my first cup o' joe. In fact, most of my clear thoughts these days are fueled by the sweet, sweet nectar of caffeine. I thought hard about what kind of mommy I am now, and what kind of mommy I want to be. Deep thoughts for 5am, eh?

I suppose I am considered to be a zany, non-traditional parent. I was tsked at while breastfeeding in the park one day, not because my feedbags were exposed, but because was telling my daughter to "EAT DA BOOBIE". When Sadie is being loud, I ask her to kindly "shut her pie hole". Probably not the best thing to teach your child, as I can already see her kindergarten teacher cracking up as our daughter politely asks her fellow classmate to "please, shut his pie hole". So I'm a bit coo-coo bananas. What mother isn't? At least Sadie will grow up with a sense of humor.

But back to my "aha" moment. After thinking about ways I can improve my parenting skills, I came to the most important one of all. To live, and to parent, in the moment.

My husband and I nostalgically reminisce about our daughter's her first few weeks on this planet. How small and cuddly she was (not to mention immobile and quiet!). These days she has more ants in her pants than I do and has a problem controlling THE VOLUME OF HER VOICE. We also find ourselves anxiously awaiting the days when Sadie can crawl, walk, talk, get a job, etc. I know it's important to reflect on your hatchling's journey and encourage him/her to develop, but now I'm trying my very best to stop and smell the roses...er...baby poop. I want to enjoy each and every moment with our Sadester. As you know, they grow up so fricken' fast.

So tomorrow morning while Sadie is snapping both of my bra straps simultaneously with her hand and foot, I will urge myself to be in the moment and smile. She is perfect now, and everyday is my favorite Sadie day.

My Daughter: The Baby Dumbbell

An upside to my inherent twitchiness is the drive to be fit. Just prior to my pregnancy, I was in the best shape of my life. I ran, played oodles of volleyball, and considered myself a bit of a gym rat. Now, 4 months after our daughter was born, I'm finally at my pre-pregnancy weight. Now it's a matter of getting back into pre-pregnancy shape. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a MILF, am I right?

Alas! This is easier said than done. Having a baby does scary things to your body. Carrying a 9 pound bundle of joy in your kangaroo pouch splits your abdominal muscles clean apart. The result is a stomach that resembles something out of a Dali painting. My mother once told me she lost a bar of soap between these muscles right after I was born. This was not exactly the case for me, but you get the picture. More importantly, who has the time to work out when you're home all day raising a baby?

So without further adieu, I present to you...

The Baby Dumbbell Workout Plan!

The moves:


 - Bjorn Lunges & Squats

   - Baby Bicep Curls

 - Upright Baby Rows

* Be certain your baby is happy, safe, and conscious while performing the moves above. I once did a set of Baby Bicep Curls, unknowingly of the fact that Sadie was fast asleep with drool dripping on the floor. Oopsy!

- Crunches
- Double leg lifts
- Push ups
- Pelvic raises

* Bust out the moves above as quickly as possible while your baby is playing safely in his/her exersaucer, swing, etc.

Be sure to include some cardio into your week too. I love to walk and run with Sadie. We have a top-of-the-line MEC BOB Revolution stroller that is great for sidewalks and trails. (Big shout out to our friends in Toronto for this amazing gift!).

Well, someone's done napping. Time to throw her in the Bjorn and get my sweat on.

Ciao!

Flawless Victory!

I read pregnancy books out the wazoo, and heard bajillions of horror stories about labor, but nothing prepared me for what was to come...

It wasn't that bad at all!


Sarah's recipe for an easy, breezy labor:
- 1 belly full of abdominal muscles prior to pregnancy
- 5 heaping piles of motivation to maintain abdominal muscles throughout pregnancy
- 1 calm and motivating partner
- 2 lovely nurses
- 1 perfectly administered epidural
- 1 serious bout of "the giggles" (I tend to be giddy when I'm nervous)
- 1 hefty dose of "I'm gunna get this baby outta me NOW!"
Yields 1, 9 pound, healthy baby

Don't get me wrong. I'm not belittling the labor process. Heck, I took the easy way out with an epidural. I just want all of the mamas-to-be out there with fears of "the big day" to fear not! It may not be that bad after all.

To Blog Or Not To Blog...

Let me first start by recapping the last 5 years before I dive into this deep, philosophical question.

It's the same old story, really. Boy meets girl in Halifax. Boy persuades girl to move to Toronto with him. Boy and girl travel to South America. Boy proposes to girl on top of a mountain. Boy marries girl. Girl believes "The Rhythm Method" is a safe form of birth control. Boy and girl become pregnant and move back to Halifax.

So there we were, my husband and I on a date enjoying food, drinks, and adult conversation at The Brooklyn Warehouse while my mother babysat our 4 month old Sadie at home. As my blog title suggests, I have a perpetual stream of ants in my pants, and am struggling to find things to do that give me my independent "Sarah-time" while being a full-time mommy and house-wife. So we got on the topic of blogging...

Now, I've never considered myself a writer, nor am I even the least bit internet savvy, but I was delighted to think that when I've run out things to bake, clean, and when my undivided attention isn't needed by our little rug rat, that I could be creative and witty and have others listen to me ramble on about my day. Gadzooks! We're onto something here!

So welcome to my blog, friends, family, and fellow mommies. Sorry in advance for any grammatical errors you will encounter, as every post will most likely be typed one-handedly while Sadie feeds from/sleeps on my boobies. Enjoy!