Revenge Is Best Served Hard-Boiled

Dear little shit birds who insist on egging our house,

Let me start by saying that my husband and I are good people. We say good morning to you as you walk by us on your way to school. We slow down the car and swerve around you during your road hockey games. Heck, we even gave out amazing Halloween treats this year, just so you'd think we were cool neighbors. So why, I ask you, do you feel the need to repeatedly egg our house? What have we done to deserve such punishment?

I understand you're young, and feel the need to rebel against your elders. However, you must understand that your eggs are hitting our daughter's window, waking her from the sleep it took us 2 hours to attain.

Now I'm a reasonable woman, with a "que sera" type of attitude, but if I catch you throwing eggs at our humble home again I WILL hunt you down. I will make you eat the carton of raw eggs I've set aside for you, shell and all, and you will like it.

Sincerely,

Your worst nightmare